So lets just be honest.
We all have those moments/ days/ weeks.
The ones, where we don't feel well,
Or when our heart hurts from something a friend said that they didn't intend to hurt, but it did.
Or when you just plain are tired, and don't want to get off the couch.
or when people/ family/ random grocery store people are annoying you.
And then, you are annoying yourself, because you are annoyed at everyone.
No? just me?
It amazes me when I have those moments, how just a few years ago, I easily could have "checked out" of reality for the day, watched TV All day, take three naps, and then return to normal life the next day.
OR even, being the world traveler I was... Plan a trip back to a country I loved, or Mexico for the week, or California to visit my brother.
It's hillarious as mothers, because we rarely get that opportunity.
This thing in us, never gets to shut off.
And sometimes, its hard!
I am a big "escape-ist".
Im not even sure if thats a word.
But I actually spent 7 years of my life jumping from school to school, college to moving across the world, traveling the world living in different countries every three months, coming home, leaving, coming back again.
Of course, I believe this was all a part of God's plan. But it kind of formed in me an itch every year or so for "new" .
I'm one of those weirdos who loves change.
There was always a bit of an escape.
There is always a secret hideout somehow.. in change.
Change of scenery.
Change of surroundings.
Even if it was a vacation, one week long of bliss to get away from the "norm" and just be mindless, passionless, and read about someone else's life for a bit in some random novel I am reading.
This month, as that itch HIT me like a ton of bricks.
To get away.
To recoil even.
To just not be me... just for a moment.
(Hey, I told you I was being honest.)
To not think of an organization.
or my teenagers.
Or my toddler.
And just re-figure out who JENNA is again, without all of my titles attached.
And I WAS STUCK.
I kind of laugh, because I think this is God's intention for me this year.
To make me stay put.
Obviously I'm not leaving (dont freak out my little nesters! I'm not going anywhere)
But it's kind of my second nature (or at least has been for seven years).
To hop out.
Not necessarily when things get hard...
But just when I get bored.
Or easily angered.
or annoyed with myself.
And that is just so immature.
And so not the woman, mother, or Jesus follower that I want to be.
Because, I so desperately desire, to want to be rooted.
Not easily swayed.
So my goal-- for this summer. is to stay put.
There's no vacations this year.
(although we will go camping a few times)
But no get away.
No "breath of fresh foreign air" for this little world traveler.
Instead, I stay put.
I stay steadfast.
And I face my frustration, anger, hardship, healing, and demands head on.
I wonder why it took me this long to realize this,
That I am an escapist.
But I guess, all that matters is that I did.
So here we go.
Summer, what do you have for the Brown family this year?
God what do you have for us, as we stay, as we dwell, as we fight, and as we continue to release & hold on to your vision for Akron, for Ellet, for The Mother's Nest?
Here we are.
We're not going anywhere.