Guest post by Rachel Jenney (www.happygirlsaretheprettiest.me)
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to enjoy my sleep while I was pregnant because I wouldn’t be getting any once the baby arrived ... I would have enough money to hire a night nurse so I would be able to sleep.
But sadly, I didn’t get those dollars and I don’t have a night nurse so I’m well versed in Middle-of-the-Night Feedings. Here are 100 thoughts I have had during those dreaded Middle-of-the-Night Feedings.
1. Crap. She’s awake.
2. Maybe she will go back to sleep on her own.
3. If she falls back asleep on her own, I can still get 4 hours of sleep before my alarm goes off.
4. *Stares at monitor*
5. How do people survive without a video monitor?
6. Okay, she’s not going to go back to sleep on her own.
7. Her cry is so sad.
8. Mommy’s coming for you.
9. If it takes me 30 mins to nurse her back to sleep, I can still get 3.5 hours of sleep before my alarm goes off.
10. Ouch, who left a toy right there on the ground.
11. It was probably my husband.
12. No it was definitely my husband.
13. I hate him.
14. Hate is a strong word…
15. I strongly dislike him.
16. It’s so smart to leave the lights off during these middle of the night feedings.
17. Baby and I will have a much easier time falling back to sleep.
18. But wait, my eyes aren’t adjusted and I can’t find you in this crib.
19. This crib is not that big, how can I not find you.
20. Maybe I should have a nightlight to make this easier.
21. Okay, found ya!
22. Come here little baby love. Momma will make it all better.
23. Ew. You stink.
24. I wonder if her wet diaper is waking her up.
25. I wish there was a way to stop her from peeing in her sleep.
26. Why do they even make sleepers with snaps.
27. Or buttons.
28. God, zippers only from now on.
29. Stay still little human. I’m doing this in the dark so you have a prayer of going back to sleep.
30. Please just let it be a pee diaper.
31. Is that poop? Or a shadow?
32. On just pee. Thank god
33. Crap, the trash can is full.
34. I’ll just leave this diaper here and get it tomorrow.
35. This rocking chair is so comfortable.
36. I’m so glad I waited 14 weeks for it to come in.
37. Crap, I have to pee too.
38. I knew I should have peed before getting her.
39. Okay, this fresh diaper will help her sleep for a lot longer right?
40. Sleep, what’s that?
41. How old are you?
42. What month is it?
43. *counts on fingers* August to September to October … 7 months.
44. Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping through the night by now?
45. But sleeping through the night has a different meaning to doctors apparently.
46. 5 hours is not sleeping through the night. The pediatrician is wrong
47. Just kidding. I don’t know what I would do without the nurses line.
48. What’s it like to be a dad.
49. Dads live the life.
50. I wish I was a dad
51. Just kidding, I loved being pregnant and giving birth.
52. I want to get pregnant again
53. How far apart would my kids be if I got pregnant now?
54. *counts on fingers* August to September to October … 16 months.
55. I really need to learn how to do math without using my fingers.
56. Okay, 16 months is a little close.
57. Damn this kid is eating a lot.
58. I don’t starve you.
59. You literally nurse all day, how can you be this hungry.
60. Hmm, I’m hungry too actually.
61. This is going to take longer than 30 mins.
62. *startles awake* Crap I fell asleep nursing you again.
63. I wonder how long I slept for…
64. I’m so tired, my tired is tired.
65. I wonder how much a night nurse costs?
66. That is still a thing right?
67. Awe her little hand just grazed my stomach.
68. That is the best feeling in the world.
69. Ah, she’s finally slowing down.
70. Is she nodding off at my boob.
71. Should I let her nurse a few minutes longer until she’s completely asleep and try to transfer her to her crib?
72. No, you did all that sleep training. Don’t ruin it.
73. Put her into her crib now and let her fall asleep on her own.
74. But I know if I just nurse her for a few more minutes, that will be the end of this, and I can go back to sleep sooner.
75. Do the right thing.
76. Okay, here are 189 binkies; please try to keep one in your bed for the rest of the night.
77. I should have just nursed her back to sleep, she’s mad at me now.
78. If she falls back to sleep right now, I can still get three hours of sleep before my alarm goes off.
79. Is it bad if I fall back asleep before she does.
80. Is it bad if my 7-month-old is the only one awake in my house?
81. If she falls back to sleep right now, I can still get 2.5 hours of sleep before my alarm goes off.
82. Oh wait, I think she fell asleep.
83. Gosh she is so darn cute when she is sleeping.
84. Crap, now I’m wide awake.
85. I think we’ll go to Target tomorrow.
86. She needs diapers.
87. And wipes.
88. And some new clothes 🙂
89. And I already need coffee.
90. Ah, Target.
91. I love those memes about Target.
92. The internet is so funny.
93. *Gets out phone and checks Facebook*
94. What a surprise, there are tons of other moms in my Mommy Facebook group awake right now, too.
95. Oh, they are talking about baby poop!
96. I can totally add to this conversation.
97. What would I do without my Mommy Facebook group.
98. Okay, time to go to sleep, too.
99. *Is asleep for approx 2 hours*
100. Crap. She’s awake… again.