Am I Doing This All Wrong?
How many times have we asked ourselves that as moms?
From the time Hylan was 0 days old, until he was one. I did this. I asked myself daily, in my own insecurity in my mothering... Am I doing this wrong? Is he going to be screwed up for life thanks to my parenting?
I laugh, but seriously.. that was a VERY insecure time in my life.
So Much was going in my brain and mind. So much hurting was evident, and healing was just starting to come.
Not to mention, I've never been a person that "babyhood" came to naturally. <Insert Reyna girl, where everything changed.. and now I am obsessed.. but that is besides the point>
I definitely am more naturally a toddler/ teenager mom.. so that sweet spot from 2-3 was baller.
And then he turned three.
And became a threenager. (it's real people.)
And the insecurity has crept back in.
Am I doing this right by sending him to preschool? (chill out Jenna, he will thrive).
Am I ruining him for life by telling him Santa isn't real (I Know.. judge me if you will).
The fact that his diet is mainly sugar & cereal.. makes me feel AWESOME.
Cutting out his nap? that sounds like a great idea the day before you start school.
... All of the second guessing has crept back in.
Answers I have had rehearsed in my head for years, don't go as smooth as I hoped when the infamous "questions" are being asked.
Last night, I was meeting with a momma friend.
She was telling me about her mom guilt. (Yo, we all have it from time to time).
And I just re-assured her.. and am re-assuring YOU...
We all have mom guilt.
It looks different in different seasons.
Each new phase of parenthood presents a series of questions we ask ourselves.
Each new phase has its joys, and its hardships.
ITS MOLDING US.
ITS CREATING A NEW HEART WITHIN US.
And for me, its reminding me that my parenting can not be based upon what others around me are doing. Because what is right for them, might not be right for our family... and THAT IS OKAY.
Its always been okay.
And it's still okay.
Even when the questions go from "do I formula or breastfeed" to...
Do I public school or private school?
Do I keep having more biological children or foster to adopt?
What is right for my family, isn't right for everyone.
And, let me tell you.
That mom guilt is just a reminder of where our identity needs to be.
Not wrapped up in our decisions, our choices, our kids even.
Our identity is not MOM.
It is child.
For me, it is child of God.
And I have the ability to parent, because he continues to parent me through these seasons.
Reminding me of when I am placing my identity in the wrong things.
Or allowing my heart to be controlled by fear as it attaches to ideas, concepts, decisions.
I do not need to be afraid of decisions we are making, if they are "messing up" my kid.
I need to be afraid of a life that is based off of what other people thing is "right" for my family.
Because only we can be the judge of that.
And only God is the judge of us.
And at the end of the day, Love and Grace win.
Grace is undeserved Favor.
And for that, I continue on, keep on keeping on, and ask for a lot of it.