Its been four years my friends.
Four years ago, my firstborn biological Son came into the world.. and simultaneously God birthed a vision in me (Jenna, founder of The Nest), for this place.
I am sitting here today in the office.. kind of in awe.
Like what in the world, how did we get here?
How do we have a non-profit, serve hundreds of families, own a building, and are changing the way people look at care for a mother, a family, and children?
WHAT IN THE WORLD.
I am in awe.
"God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, he's so good to me". - the song on repeat in my head today.
Four years ago, My Hylan was born, and through a traumatic and near death experience, I begged the Lord, the exact words... "please God, don't that be the last time I hold my son."
The picture above is the moment he was born, i DID get to hold him, and within minutes he was taken as I fought for my life.
If i close my eyes long enough, I can remember every nano-second of that experience.
Every emotion, every reality, that now seems so distant and far off in the whirlwind of life.
Trauma is crazy like that. How your brain protects itself, but also can bring you straight back to that place if triggered, either by chance or by your own will.
Sometimes, it's healthy for me to go back there. To remember where I was, and where I've been.
To have perspective on birth, new motherhood, struggle, depression, and sheer exhaustion.
And all I can do, four years later, when I look back is just sit in awe.
and say.. what in the world!?
I literally had no idea.
I had NO idea.
you guys.. I HAD NO IDEA.
^you get the point
Slash.. i don't think I would have ever said YES if God had given me the big picture right then.
"Oh, Jenna BTW I am gonna allow you to go through really immense pain, like literally your organs will fall out, you'll want to die you are in so much pain, then you'll go through struggles to bond, ptsd, depression... but don't worry sweets, you will come out on top. you'll be healed. I promise.. and then you'll catalyst a vision for this thing I've had in the works for awhile.. its called The Nest."
uhm. no gracias senor.
I would have been like... eh you can try the lady in the room next door, I am not really feelin it.
I'd like to have an easy delivery, recovery period... and actually, i want to live overseas! not two doors down from my parents dedicated to the town i grew up in my whole life. ;)
Oh... I love God.
He knows what we need, who we are, and what we were built to withstand so much more than we do.
Seriously, if he gave us the full picture of life, we would be scared to death. I mean... you guys, I STILL feel this way. I feel like this is still the beginning of the picture. I maybe see like 20% of it? and I am a VISIONARY by NATURE. I'm scared for what this blog will say in 4 years from NOW.
All to say.
I don't know your circumstances friend.
I don't even know what season of life you are in.
BUT I DO KNOW THIS.
God is moving. He's searching for people willing to say yes. Yes to everything he has.. not just parts of it. (Ps that includes suffering, because in our suffering we also show his glory!)
One of the sweetest thoughts I have often, is what God thought of me during that time. How did he respond to my pain, anguish, suffering, and cries for help from him? Did he cry? Did he hold my hand through those around me? Probably.
But the thing I feel the most?
Is that he believed in me.
he trusted me with his vision for moms and for families.
I see that as a parent, because I feel that for my children. All four of them. My youngest of the two oldest adopted.. I genuinely believe in him. He's on his own right now, struggling through life.. but I believe in him. I KNOW that he can do this. I KNOW that he can come out on top... but at the same time.. I am not right up in his business through it all. Actually, we don't even talk at all. I pray behind the scenes. I move heaven and earth in my prayers (did you know you can do that?) , and I believe with all of my might when everything otherwise tells me not to.
"don't you know.. the teacher is always quiet during the test?" (one of my favorite phrases)
Someone told me not too long ago, when this weary Jenna sat down with him to explain how I wasn't sure I could keep going, keep doing this, keep pioneering a vision that I wasn't even sure of in its fullness....
"Oh, sweetie. God didn't give you this vision IN SPITE of you.. he gave it to you BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU".
Cue all of the tears.
It's not weird for me, even one bit, to tell you that God believed in me.
Or even to tell you that he's my biggest fan, and cheering me on.
Not because of Me... or because at the end of the day Jenna will be the best.
But because he uses us, for his glory.
It's the HIM in ME that he is cheering on.
Because he is BEAUTIFUL in the way he brings things full circle.
Because he is faithful, even when we are not.. cannot, have not, and do not.
Because he is just, and right, and realer than the two shoes that are on my feet.
I reflect on these past four years.
And Im in awe.
I am humbled by the pain we've went through.
I am humbled by the surrender we've HAD to go through.
I am encouraged by the PEOPLE who came alongside us in and out of every season to support this vision and dream God gave me.
I am propelled by the vision he keeps giving us as a community piece by piece.
now.. I am headed home...
to my little boy, who still doesn't even know...
that this place, his FAVORITE place in the world (he says he wants to work at the Nest when he grows up).
Started through his life.
The nest was birthed at his birth.
We just didn't know it yet.
This is HIS heritage.
And I just get to start it and dedicate parts of it to him.
WHAT IN THE WORLD.